Last weekend saw a group of riders including one of my UKCycleChat colleagues take on wlondoncycling’s ‘The One’, and in honour of them completing this awesome challenge, I thought I would write a quick ride story from my attempt to conquer this beast of a route from a couple of months back.

First things first, what is ‘The One’? Well put simply it’s a near sixty mile ride through the surrey hills aiming to hit all of the noteworthy climbs in the area and tops out at nearly 7000ft of climbing.

So a few weeks back now myself, my regular ride partner and fellow Roly, and our much skinnier supercharged buddy drove out to Newlands Corner for an 8am start, planning for a full day in the saddle.

Sadly, whilst the week prior to our attempt had been warm and sunny, our ride morning had seen the temperature drop off and the cloud cover increase, yet only one of us seemed to pay attention to this turn of events. So myself, desperate to wear my ONE Pro Cycling jersey finally and sans gloves, and Miss Rocket minus any real layers were in no way prepared for the weather we were to end up in, Mistake 1.

Rolling out of the car park myself and my fellow Roly used our weight advantage to drop like stones off of Newlands corner whilst our much more petite ride partner fought to catch up. Fortunately for her she didn’t have to wait long though, as we made the turn on to Coombe Lane she was quickly back with us and then passing us in the blink of an eye.

Straight away the three of us got strung out over this climb with me sitting fairly comfortably in the middle, comfortable that is until with not much of the 1.5km climb left I look up and see a wall of a hairpin! I headed to the opposite side of the road to take out a bit of the gradient but it was still a lung busting effort to make it to the top.

At the meeting of this and the top of Staple lane we waited for our Roly colleague to catch up and just as he did the rain started!

Rolling down the remainder of Combe Lane, that becomes Green Dene, we regrouped and had a bit of a natter before making the turn I wasn’t looking forward to, up to Crock North! Last time I took this hill on I had to put a foot down but not today!

Onwards and up, I pushed through the burning in my thighs, made it under the bridge and again re-grouped with my much lighter colleague whilst waiting on our fellow ride partner to also complete the short but steep climb (it maxes out at 18%). He may not be the fastest but my fellow Roly is a machine and always makes it without a pause!!

We rode on to Ranmore common road which saw us descend a slightly sketchy section of road, given the stream and debris that was already building up from the rubbish weather and on in to Dorking where we make our 2nd mistake.

Instead of heading out of Dorking and on to the famous Box Hill we did the opposite and took the right fork in Dorking town centre and headed up the hill and on out to what eventually became Coldharbour Lane. As we approached this 3km (max 18%) climb we were in good sprits despite the weather. A chorus of The Levellers ‘What a Beautiful Day’ broke out and we all enjoyed a chuckle or two before we assumed our routine positions on the climb, The Rocket out front, me in the middle, and the Machine behind!

We were passed by a few riders up this hill that seemed to go on for eternity (at least in the wind and rain it did!), but I actually enjoyed it in a strange kind of way.

However, to torture the soul, once you reach the top of Coldharbour Lane instead of completing the ascent of Leith hill (you are already 60% of the way up) the route smacks you in the face and sends you back down the left fork to ensure that you start at the bottom of this nasty beast!

Sadly it was on this descent that the weather really took a turn for the worse, when what was previously a cold un-relenting drizzle became an absolute deluge accompanied by some pretty strong winds. One of my colleagues got hit with cramp, whilst the other had lost circulation in her hands and was struggling to brake or change gear. Gloveless and challenging my inner Hinault I was also suffering but trying to keep spirits up.

However, not too far from Ockley we decided to call it a day. The circulation problems were too much of a safety concern and so tail between our legs we headed for home. That’s not to say the remaining route was straightforward however!!

We wound our way back through some quiet roads and happened on a roadside oasis just outside Peaslake, a just opened pub who were serving coffee and sausage sandwiches (my fuel of choice!!). We parked our bikes under a small lean to and shivered our way inside, to be joined within minutes by another group of riders looking equally cold and fed up. After sharing a few war stories and enjoying the coffee we headed back outside to brave the conditions and taking the advice of the proprietor, took the right hand fork in the road to climb our way more gradually out of the dip we were in and on to Peaslake.

Peaslake was full of cyclists trying to fill every available space in the open cafes and restaurants for a chance to stay out of the cold but we blew through it fast and on towards Shere, another one of the lovely quaint little villages that can be found in the Surrey hills.

And it was here in this picturesque little village that the immortal line ‘I wish I was a duck’ was uttered!

As we were stopped at a traffic calming point, my circulatory impaired Whitewalker of a friend explained to us that ducks have a very neat circulatory system in their feet that enables them to stay warm in cold conditions, before then mumbling the unexpected line!

Spirits buoyed by this amusing wish, we climbed out of Shere out to the A25 and on to our final climb, back up to Newlands from the opposite direction from which we descended. Though I have always been worried about this climb, as it seems steeper than the RideLondon climb side, I was pleasantly surprised with my final performance. I managed to stay right on the wheel of my duck wannabe friend and finished alongside her in the Newlands car park, shortly followed by our colleague, where despite hopping from foot to foot and adding on layers, nothing would shake the cold from our bodies

We may not have conquered it and we may have missed the first true riding of ‘The One’ (now replaced with ‘The One, version 2.0’) but boy did we have fun and laughs, and isn’t that what riding your bike is all about!